Let Go
by Mikkorama
Summary: Karkat leaves the meteor to go fight Lord English with Meenah. Karezi sadstuck oneshot.


"Well, hop on board, shouty!" Meenah yells from atop the boat looking thing she got from who knows what horrendous asshole deep in the furthest ring. Turns out that she still hasn't been able to round up any recruits. Besides you, you guess. You had made that promise after all, to join her to go fight Lord English. She really won the goddamn lottery with that one.

"Coming, coming. Hold your hoofbeasts." The one thing you can enjoy in this fucking mess of a situation, at least, is that, for once, you're not the one responsible. Being a leader to all your asshole friends was a nightmare. And you'll miss them all dearly. Good byes were never your thing, though, so you accidentally forgot to mention the whole leaving thing to everyone. It's for the better, you tell yourself. You don't want your memory of them to devolve into a piss poor pity party.

"Karkat! Wait!" You hear an all too familiar voice behind you before you manage to leap off your meteor to join Meenah. Apparently she found out, somehow. Whether it was her seer powers or what, you would never know.

You turn around to see Terezi, running towards you with her stupidly adorable dragon cosplay cape fluttering behind her. This is not the situation you were hoping for, but you can't help but feel a little happy to see her chasing after you. Eat a fucking human dick, Strider.

She puts her arms around your neck, tears streaming down her face. You see Dave coming up after her and hesitate to put your arms around her in response. There's nothing you want more than to hold her close and never let go, but you're a fucking gentleman and as much as you hate Douche Strider, Terezi doesn't. You'll just have to believe that maybe there's something there you can't see. Or not-see. Smell. Whatever. Anyway, Terezi seems to think he's okay, and you'll just have to take her word for it. Even if he is the biggest asshole ever.

You glare at him, despite this thought. He just shrugs at you. 'She made me come along,' he seems to tell you.

"You can't go, Karkat! Please don't go..." Terezi manages to say between sobs.

Shit. You were so determined to go not 5 minutes ago. You just hate to see Terezi cry when her smiling face is the most beautiful sight your eyes have ever witnessed. You want to tell her that you won't go. That you'll stay.

With her.

But you can't. Even if you stayed, it wouldn't be with her. So what use is it?

"All right, come on! Get off me! I just cleaned this shirt and it needs to last me for a while. Don't need your snot all over it." You keep up your grumpy facade. You don't need to have Strider see you losing your edge. And pushing away Terezi is all you can do to keep your sanity intact. At least until you get on the boat and are far away from this shithole.

"Karkat, you'll die!" she screams at you.

"What? Who the fuck told you that. That is slanderous and, frankly, I'm offended! I'm not a halfbrained wriggler or some shit. I am perfectly fucking capable of taking care of my ass." You look at Strider. "Was it you? It was you, wasn't it? It's always Strider when shit goes down on the meteor. The twisted games you play to appease your endless boredom know no bounds, do they?! Is there a brain in that thick skull of yours or does it serve solely as a reservoir for the shit that oozes out of your mouth?"

"Damn, you got me, man. Can't get anything past your ugly face, now can I? Gotta go back to the Acme brand drawing board and hatch up a new plan. You are the roadrunner to my fucking coyote."

If nothing else, Strider is going along with your routine, and for that you have to thank him. With a swift kick to the face. "Well, while your inane earth references mean nothing to me, I'll have you know that I am not planning on joining our asshole ancestors in their sick group reunion clusterfuck of a circlejerk. I was the leader of our session and if it hadn't been for your splendorous trainwreck, we would be ruling over your planet right now. Guess who would be my footstool, Dave. That's right. You. So polish those floors and kneel for me. Daddy's getting real tired of your bullshit and needs to lift his legs up on something. And your ass is looking mighty inviting."

"Karkat will you shut up!"

You sigh. You suppose you can't keep up the act forever. Terezi knows you better than this, anyway. Better than fucking anyone, really.

"Terezi, don't worry. I actually WAS the leader, you know. I'm probably the most capable troll in this weird spacial anomaly to take him down."

You brush some of her tears aside and stare into her eyes, even though you know they don't see back, at least not in that sense.

"I'll be back, Terezi. Meenah and I are going to kill that big green asshole and then everything will be okay. Trust me."

It takes her a while, but she eventually nods, sniffs, and turns to slowly walk back towards Dave. She embraces him and buries her face in his shitty pajamas. He returns the favor that you could not. Your stomach turns when you see her there, surrounded by arms that should be yours but never can be.

You stare at him again. You motion towards Terezi with your head. 'You do anything to make her cry and I'll fucking gut you like the slimy little cuttlefish that you are, Strider,' you tell him in your head. He nods. You assume he got the message, though you wonder whether the intricacies transferred as well.

But you really should get going now.

You turn around and hop on the boat without saying anything more. What could you say?

Meenah welcomes you with smiles and promises of loot beyond comprehension.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you just took the first step on a road that is surely suicide. You're not stupid. This whole mess is your fault. You fucked up. The cancer, doomed sessions, so many dead trolls and humans. They all lie at your feet. All the universes would be better off without your mutant swill diluting it. You want to believe that you don't actually think so. That maybe you had some great destiny later on, that you would be the hero, but you know now that's not the case. If your life was meaningful, if your leaving were to lead to a doomed session, Terezi would have known. She would have stopped you. Yes, she tried, but why? Because you are – were – her friend, probably. But she has a responsibility to the other trolls, to keep them alive. The only meaning your life has anymore is to end it as quickly as possible, to keep from fucking everything up even worse. She didn't stop you because as long as you remain alive, the others remain in danger.


End file.
